Happy Birthday Anthony!

My baby is 5 today, 5!!! I cannot believe that I am a mother to a 5 year old. Wow! So this week he is "star of the week" at school. Erik and I are going to his school today for lunch and to meet all of his little friends. He is VERY excited for his superhero party this weekend and is a bit confused why it is no today because TODAY is his birthday. Happy birthday big boy!

My favorite quotes from Mohandas Gandhi

• As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the atomic age - as in being able to remake ourselves.


• Be the change that you want to see in the world.


• Before the throne of the Almighty, man will be judged not by his acts but by his intentions. For God alone reads our hearts.


• But for my faith in God, I should have been a raving maniac.
  
• Commonsense is the realised sense of proportion.


• Confession of errors is like a broom which sweeps away the dirt and leaves the surface brighter and clearer. I feel stronger for confession.

Happy ending!

Lola the pug is in a happy home with Bonnie's sister Erin which I am absolutely thrilled about! Erin came over on Saturday (sorry I wasn't ready if you are reading this Erin) and took her home to surprise her family. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall for that arrival. So look what can happen when the blogging community puts their heads and hearts together! By the way Bonnie, you can call me anytime 4 0r 16 times-thanks for putting Lola and Erin together.

Easter was great, I do not have any pictures to share. We took some video though, not much. Just enough to torture Anthony with when he gets old enough to care that he was running around the house in his batman underwear with a cape on collecting Easter eggs like nobodies business. I felt guilty because our intention was to make it to church but the morning just kind of snuck away from us. After getting Alex de-stickied from his ring pop that he busted open, Anthony calmed from his natural and sugar high, and finishing breakfast I was over it. I told Anthony that we have to go twice next Sunday since he turns 5 on Wednesday. Once to say thanks for his birthday and once to say we are sorry for not going on Easter.

So this week we have Anthony's birthday on Wednesday and party on Saturday. My first counseling appointment on Tuesday which I am excited about- clearly a sign that I need it. Nathan and Stacey are hitting it hard on the marketing side for work so I think that we are going to have some contracts come through that we have been patiently waiting for. Erik is going to enjoy his last week of being laid off, he still works 20 hours a week at Dakota Hills Electric but will be back to full time next week. Yay!!

Lola the Pug

Lola the pug is a 1 year old female that is spayed, house trained, and loves to play. She has been great with our boys. Unfortunately we are not keeping her. I think Erik has a phobia with fawn pug hair, besides she just isn't Charlie. We had her over the weekend on a trial and he just wasn't feeling it for her. If I had my choice we would keep her but since Erik is not on board we are helping her current owner Kenzie find her a new home. Kenzie is graduating from college and is moving back to Alaska to start a full time job which equals no time for Lola. She is asking $100 for her and that is an absolute steal. She has not had one accident since she has been with us, plays with the boys really well, and has a great personality. If you know of anyone that is looking for a family dog please pass along my contact information: 701.361.1759 or melissa.tortorice@candidate-connection.com.

Lola and I thank you!

It is true!

You heard it here, right now, from the source. I am going to start counseling this week. This past year has been really hard for me and I find myself in funks that I can't talk myself out of any longer. I think that when you are constantly trying to do things to make yourself feel better and nothing is working it is time to dig in. I am finding that I have gotten really sensitive, irritable, only want to sleep and eat chocolate. There are days where I am so anxious I feel like I am drowning. I don't really feel like anything excites me anymore. My confidence is pretty much at an all time low which we all know is not normal :). Please don't post pity comments, not what I need. I just want to write this because I have to for me right now. After Alex was born I struggled with postpartum and was put on Zoloft, that helped and took the edge off. Shortly after the company that I had loved and help grow from the beginning went bankrupt. That about killed me. Having ups and downs with Erik which is completely normal after the new addition, our lives were turned upside down. Alex has been the perfect addition to our family but came at an odd time in my life. Deciding to start my own business has been hard. Nobody really understands what I do, I don't get praised by any bosses for the work I do and I am one that likes to be stroked when I am doing well, and constantly second guessing if I am making the right decision I think has reflected into my personal life not being able to make decisions without constantly second guessing myself. Another trait that I have picked up this last year that is not my ideal. Finances have been tough for us this year. I am accustomed to being able to do what I want when I want and buy things without a second thought. That does not happen anymore. The fees that I make for the business go right back into it so not a lot of reward comes from the business yet. Waitressing on top of working full time so we can stay barely afloat has been hard on my pride, my body-I am not 21 anymore and on my feet all night hurts the next day, and affects my husband as well as my children. The boys schedules sometimes get thrown off because of it and then I have the "mom guilt's". The husband gets stressed because he feels like he is doing everything because I am working all the time, not to mention that he is laid off in the interim. We put Charlie to sleep this year which has devastated our family and in ways thrown our "equilibrium" off. We thought we found a replacement this past weekend but have now decided today that he is just irreplaceable. I am lonely. I am lost, scared, sad, and drowning. It is time for me to take the control back and figure this stuff out because I feel disconnected from myself right now. A feeling I have not had in 15 years. So please say a little prayer for me, I need it right now.

Recent Pictures

Anthony and Alex

Alex with his new haircut and fat lip-he ran into the corner of the wall...

Anthony being Anthony

Bath time- if Alex hears water running he takes off for the bathroom!

Here he is playing with his two favorite toys-the piano and farm.

Thanks to Leslie all three of my boys have nice clean hair cuts. Alex was a trooper we just had to bribe him with treats through out the entire process. I was covered in sticky stuff and hair. I had lots of pictures that I wanted to post of our backyard but Anthony was playing around with my camera and deleted a good 50 pics or so. That is the second time that has happened to me by another person. I forgave Leslie so I guess I will have to forgive Anthony.

So.....

This week has been really good on the business front, businesses seem to be gearing up for the summer and that makes mama happy :). I told Erik that I think we should have a BBQ this weekend to start our weekend off with our friends, their kids, and lots of good old fashioned fun. I am just dying for summer!! I cannot wait to be going to the lake again!! I can tell that our summer pals from the campground are getting the itch as well because emails and calls are coming in more often now that spring has arrived. Anthony keeps asking me when we are going to the lake, I wish I could respond THIS WEEKEND!!!