So during this last pregnancy clearly there was enough of a gap between this one and Alex that I had forgot how much work goes into maternity leave. I had visions of us all at the lake everyday, going on travels to Baudette to see my parents and Minneapolis to visit friends. We would all be walking together, me in a cute sundress, the boys skipping ahead of myself pushing our fresh new baby in the stroller. I would make sure we did some fun activity each day taking advantage of all the time we have to spend together. What I did not take into consideration was the fact that I would be up 2/3 of the night with a newborn. That I would become so sleep deprived I have started to feel like a walking, functioning zombie. That rather then going on field trips I would prefer to have PBS tuned in for my children to keep them occupied so I can do the 4th load of dishes for the day. I was so proud of myself because my laundry room floor did not have one piece of laundry on it all week last week. This week you are lucky if you can see the floor.
We have made it out to the zoo twice. The Fargo zoo is large enough to keep them running to the next exhibit but small enough that we can wrap it up in two hours. Long enough for Talia to take a good long siesta and short enough that I am not cursing myself for taking all of them. Now that today has been 4 weeks I am feeling more like myself. My body is healing, slower than the last two c-sections but I think having other busy kids has played into that too. The biggest thing I have to do on a consistent basis is remind myself to live in the moment. You can tend to go on auto pilot when you are checking things off your to do list all day long. To the point where when Erik comes home at night my brain is almost too numb to walk him through our day.
I find being home I have put this additional responsibility on myself. That the house should be immaculate, the kids should be happy all the time, and dinner is ready for Erik when he comes home. Staying home is a lot of work. I think when you get in the daily grind of working 9-5 you sometimes daydream about being able to stay at home. What and how you would do things. Let me say again, it is a lot of work. Working I am able to set aside my home life and shelf it for 8 hours each day. Of course my family is always on mind but I am able to have a new focus. The house work gets split between both of us because we both are working. The majority of the cooking is still my responsibility but that is something I enjoy. I tend to do the drop off's and pick up's because Erik works later than me 9 times out of 10. Every night there is homework, bath time, reading, prayers, play time. The usual suspects. What I have found is I am more wiped out being at home tackling all of these tasks than when I work? How can that be? Is it because I am on limited sleep? Or is it I am just not use to having to take on majority of the responsibility all day long everyday?
I don't have the answers for you today because I am simply too tired. But to stay at home mom's everywhere...I think you pretty much rock! P.S What is your secret?
