Seriously?

I am a total loser today. I have been working since about 11am or so and realized since I have sent out around 5o or so emails that I am the only loser working the day after Thanksgiving. The best part is I get to leave here and go wait on tables at Usher's after this. I forgot what a work out serving is. My butt was sore after my shift the other night, I even walked away from all the good food when I was done. But I had to have one pint. Food vs beer, hmmmm, beer always wins this contest for me. Always in moderation though :). I am trying to take cues from Bonnie that my children might get into my blog someday, might as well start now trying to be a better person or at least writing like I am one. So if you are my children and you are reading this just remember what mommy always says,"Do as I say, not as I do."

P.S. No judging ladies, especially from the ones that don't have any children yet. Leslie called me today and I was empathetic to her because she has now figured out why I giggled at her when she told me that she just needed to get out of the terrible two's. She has now figured out the three's are just around the corner.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

(Picture was Anthony last year- I love that turkey hat.)

I LOVE Thanksgiving. Always have, always will. Maybe because it is a holiday where the common goal is to spend time with one another, not what we are buying one another. Maybe it is because I get the opportunity to stuff my face with no judgement, even though this year I am going to be more mindful because I just found out the average Thanksgiving dinner is 3,000 calories. Can you believe that? Maybe it is because I remember my Grandma vividly on these days. I can remember when I was little looking at her dining room and thinking it looked magical. Polished crystal and china. How I longed to sit at the adult table but instead I was captain of the fold out table in the living room. Do you remember the old school fold out table and chairs that were all connected together and folded into a suitcase? My grandma's was yellow. Year after year, until I got married I sat at the kids table. By then my grandparents had moved out of the old house but I still got to sit with the adults. I am the oldest grandchild on my dad's side. He has 12 siblings, my dad is number 6, and I was the first born grandchild for my grandma. Needless to say she waited a long time for me and we had a very special relationship. Anthony was her first great-grandchild and Alex would have been her second. I find it ironic that I got pregnant with Alex 2 months after she died, we wanted a baby so bad and I am pretty sure she made some deals for us. I know that she met Alex before I did. He looked exactly like me when he was born. Not sure how I got down this path today, man do I miss her. I remind my boys to be thankful that they have grandparents, for anyone our age that still has theirs be extremely grateful. There is no other relationship like it. Happy Thanksgiving!!

Some funnies over the weekend.

We will start with today since it is the most fresh in my mind. The boys came up to the office with me so Erik could hang up some things and so I could get geared up for Stacey's arrival. Afterwards we hit Taco John's for a healthy lunch and headed home to watch the game. Erik turns on the game and we start to eat (it's Sunday-very relaxed at our house). Anyways, Anthony looks at Erik and I and asks,"Who are you voting for? The green or the purple team?"Of course I reply,"Purple because they are the Minnesota Vikings." (Not sure why I am cheering for purple by the way). He replies by saying,"Mommy, I am voting for John McCain." Erik and I both were trying not to laugh at him. I then proceeded to tell him that the election was over and Barack Obama is our President. Clearly McCain's elections ads worked on my 4 year old. I had to call and give my father-in-law a ribbing because he is a HUGE Republican and I had to inquire whether he was brainwashing my children. He said he would have liked to take credit but thought Anthony was in the right mindset for the next election.

Today Anthony also sang,"Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me. Dontcha..."Over and over. I was getting Alex ready for the day and I could hear Anthony singing away as he was coloring, sure enough this is the song. Again, maybe too much Y-94 in the car.

Yesterday, Anthony was AWESOME!! He helped fold laundry, put silverware away, clean under his bed, picked up his toy room. You name it, he did it. We were all determined to get the house in order. I was getting a little frustrated with Big Al when I was changing his diaper, it is like trying to get a diaper on a Tasmanian Devil, no cooperation. This particular diaper was nice and messy. I was trying to alleviate getting any poop on him, the floor, or me. Anthony comes around the corner on the way to his room looks at me and says,"Mom, relax and stop being so pissy." Yes- pissy. I explain to him that word is not appropriate for him to say without laughing. We are a stage with him where he definitely knows where some words are wrong and is still learning with others.

Alex stood for the first time this weekend with no help-not for long but he was freestanding for a good 8 seconds. Anthony and I were both so proud of him. As soon as we got excited Alex went down. He is teething SOOOO bad. Alex is not a fussy baby and this weekend he was trying for both Erik and I. I feel so bad for these little babies that have to cut these teeth, I suppose there is a reason why you experience that when you are little and cannot remember later in life. So no teeth yet but I think they are very close to introducing themselves. I wish they would hurry up!!

Today is definitely a new day.

Thanks for all the kind words and support, not what I thought I needed but it turns out it feels good to get support from my "secret" community of women that I have come to adore in new ways from my experience of blogging. It is definitely my therapy and I am grateful that I began doing it.

Regardless, the week did end on a much better note. After letting go and realizing that it is okay if not all parts of my life are synchronizing how I would ideally like I went into full force recovery mode. I was lucky to find a girl that I think is going to be wonderful at solely marketing Candidate Connection. I had a heart to heart with Michael my partner and let him know what we needed to work on "together" to make this company work for the both of us. He answered exactly like I was hoping and recognized what we needed to work on as a team as well as what he needs to take care on his side so some stress is released from me. Erik and I had a great conversation, he truly is my best friend. Whether he drives me insane or not, he is what God ordered for me and I thank him for that. I did go and get a second job just to make myself feel more secure during this economy and for me to have another outlet besides being a caretaker. I found out Usher's was hiring, went and filled out an application, and met with the manager. Granted I have not been a part of the serving world for 6-7 years or so but the manager knew some of the people that I made a lot of money with back in the day and hired me on the spot. So it will be a good way to ease my anxiety about the holidays as well as have some time to myself and maybe even have a little fun well doing it.

Today I rode up to Baudette with my sister and my boys. I love my sweet babies and am excited to make a birthday cake with them tomorrow for Grandpa Dave. My mom and I are going to be preparing Prime Rib together, I am going to spend some much needed time with my family, and try to not kill my sister (Faith feels the same way-love/hate relationship).

Today my heart feels broken.

Today is just one of those days that I cannot snap out of it. I am so sad, my heart feels like it is broken. I keep trying to look at all the positives in my life but for some reason can balance each one out with a negative. It is quite honestly draining. I want my life back, the life where I was constantly busy working, closing deals, and living off the high of success. I lost a huge contract today. I am scared financially about the holidays and our current economy. I wonder what possessed me to start a business in the year that the economy is at an all time low since the depression. Hello? I am feeling guilty because today my kids, husband, etc. are just not enough for me. I am feeling guilty for writing this on my blog where others can read it. I am just too sad to get it together to call any of my girlfriends to make me feel better because right now that is just not enough. I held it in until Erik went to bed because I didn't want him to feel bad, now I can't quit crying. I am scared, sad, and lonely. So there I said it and do not actually feel any better. I just cannot look at the glass or girl half full today.

I can't sleep so I might as well blog.

Here is a fun pic of the boys over the weekend. Not too much going on over the weekend. We went to Carol's for some fantastic food because Brad was in town to shoot something. By the way Amy how happy were you with him when he pulled in with the bloody beast on top of your white Four Runner? Erik told me that and I could picture you dancing around with joy when he pulled up. I am not going to lie sometimes I am thrilled that Erik doesn't hunt. Other times I must admit my jealousy of the "hunting widows" who get a weekend to enjoy themselves well their men are having male affirmations or whatever they do. 

Alex is sick this weekend. My heart always goes out to babies when they are sick. They are so helpless. He has been a good sport but the poor guy is miserable. He is coughing like a 60 year old man who has been clearly smoking all his life. Not to mention thick, runny nose. Slight fever, etc. We took him in and as of right now seems to be a cold or teething. 

Anthony on the other hand had cabin fever because he was soooo excited about the first snow that we have had that stuck. Erik and him went out and played for awhile, I think Anthony just wanted to test his new snow pants out. I actually was able to get some really cute pics but unable to upload all of them-annoying, so I will attempt again tomorrow.

I know this is a really boring post. Quite frankly I am pretty bored lately.

WOW.

No matter who you supported in the election your heart has to be made of stone to not feel the emotion behind this election. From what I understand African Americans were given the "right" in the late 1800's to vote but most did not take part until 1965. We have finally evolved into a nation that is looking past race and gender. It took us nearly 219 years for us to have an African American President (George Washington became President in 1789) as well as a strong contender for a woman as the Vice President. That absolutely amazes me and has been giving me chills all day. Each time I watch the photos they have of this election and after Obama's speech I am simply honored to be a part of this time. This is a time that is going to go down in history books and we are first hand witnesses. It makes me so excited for the future, for us and our children.

Quick Question

Do any of you happen to have my Leapfrog walker for kids? It is one where they can walk behind it when they are just learning to walk and it plays music. I loaned it to one of my girlfriends and now when I need it cannot remember for the life of me who it was??? I know real suprising. Does anyone have one that I could borrow? Alex is crusing all the furniture now and desperately wants to walk so I thought it would be a fun thing for him have. I am attempting to become a little more green and cut down on buying things that only have a quick life span in our home. I love swapping baby stuff.



Regardless, Halloween was fun. The best part is I am a terrible mom and did not take one picture. My camera was at the office and I did not have time to retrieve it yesterday but my mother-in-law was ready clicking away so I am sure that I will get some pics in 2009. We started our day off at St. Joe's, they had a party for all of the kids. There were so many cute costumes. Anthony had a blast, I on the other hand was in charge of the 6th grade class because their teacher was working the "Haunted Maze". It is a funny age because you can start to see what type of people these kids are going to be and where they might fit in the world. There was one boy who was the class clown that reminded me of Chris Rock, another whose costume was Spock from Star Trek (need I say more), and of course the cute girl with the matching pink cowgirl outfit. I could place a person from my class in almost all of the 14 seats when we went back to their room for cookies and juice. I dressed up too and on the way to school Anthony informed me to not embaress him in front of his friends. It is already starting. Luckily his friends all thought that I looked cool and then he was introducing me to everyone. After the party we came home so Anthony could relax and try to snap out of his sugar coma. Then off to Grandma Eileen's to pick up Alex. We hit Carol's, our old neighbors, and new neighbors. Brian made it over with the girls and we went around the loop here. Our neighbors who have grown children were off to an adult Halloween party as we were heading back for some mac and cheese for supper. It's funny how you transition through life!