Have a great weekend!!!

Anthony's self portrait from school

Because I want to...I am grateful.

Since I have been such a bear lately I thought it was high time I remind myself all that I am grateful for.

1. That I was able to get pregnant without any help than from the man upstairs. Truly is a miracle.
2. I spent the entire weekend with my boys locked in the house playing, coloring, making cookies, and relaxing. Left once for a little bit of holiday shopping with Erik's mom, otherwise holed up.
3. I told Anthony that he was my source of entertainment on Saturday and he responded,"You got it mama. Whatcha want to play?"
4. Anthony came home from Sunday school with an ornament he made of baby Jesus. He was so proud of it and it looks perfect on our tree.
5. Poor Alex came down with a bug on Saturday night. Even though he is close to being 3 he is still only a 2 year old little boy. He woke me up in a haze and I realized he was not feeling well but he held it in until we ran to the bathroom. Got done throwing up and looked at me calmly,"I sick Mom." 
6. Very thankful that Alex felt better yesterday by noon and was back to chasing Anthony around the house.
7. Betty got a haircut and now she officially looks like a half pug, half poodle. The head of a poodle and the body of a pug. You cannot help but laugh when you see her.
8. Christmas Eve is just going to be the four or us. Headed to church, bake and decorate sugar cookies, and open our family presents.
9. That even though my fridge is on the fritz I still have a working dishwasher, stove, microwave, washer and dryer. 
10. I have a cavity but if I eat chocolate on the right side of my mouth is doesn't hurt. As long as I can get chocolate in it is all good.

So it begins...

The title of my post today is what Erik said to me on Monday,"so it begins." Oh I'm sorry that I want to kick your ass. I swear to God my hormones kicked in this week and I am on fire. It seems like they kicked in all of a sudden out of nowhere. Much, much stronger than with the boys. With them it was very gradual...yeah not this time around. Not sure if it is because your body has been through this before so it kicks it into pregnancy gear a lot quicker or if I am just such a basket case so I am much more sensitive to everything. But its not just emotional issues or the fact that I could eat chocolate for every meal, I had the dry heaves this morning. Really bad. It was gross. The boys are banging on the door because they want to make sure I was okay. I am sitting on the bathroom floor with tears streaming down my face because quite honestly I am not sure that I am. Where is my husband? In bed. It took everything in me this morning to not go punch him while he lay there sleeping peacefully. It was my morning to get up, we take every other. He was not being lazy. But I was so irritated that he could lay there sleeping peacefully well my head throbbed, my guts were turning, and I was contemplating a nervous breakdown in our bathroom. Oh and I got up 3 times to pee last night. It is like I am 9 months pregnant not barely pregnant. WTH?

I know this will all pass...but today it cannot pass soon enough. The good news is that I only have 34 weeks left of this, or 8 months and 2 weeks, or 238 days...God help us all!

Thinks that make you go hmmm....

Look at how teeny tiny Alex is in that picture. It is one of my all time favorite pictures because he is only about 3 months old and look at those boobies. How can you not love them? 

When we had Alex I desperately wanted to get pregnant. We tried for a couple years after Anthony and it just was not happening. Eventually I went to see a fertility specialist and we were very lucky to get pregnant in one month. Dr. Christianson said we should be the poster child for infertility.

My pregnancy with him was great. I felt great, I really enjoyed the pregnancy until the 10th month because I had wanted it so bad. I could tell in-utero he was going to be laid back because he barely moved. After delivery we figured out why, he was an ounce shy of being 9 lbs. He was also a very pretty baby. Nice clear skin with a wild thick mane of hair. Every single one of the nurses that we had told me that they don't say it to everyone but he was a pretty baby. I agreed. 

In the hospital the experience with Alex was different than with Anthony. With Anthony I labored for 30 hours followed by a c-section. With Alex it was already planned so I was rested. I was ready to snuggle him, hold him, and feed him. I decided to breastfeed with him. When everyone would leave at night I would lay him on my bed and just stare at him, I was so grateful. He was mine.

Erik and I had resigned to the fact that it was the four of us, especially due to us having to go the extra measure with Alex. I sometimes long for a third but was content with our dynamic.

This past weekend that all changed. I realize it is early to share but since pretty much everyone and their brother already knows.... drum-roll please....we are pregnant!

The past couple of weeks I have been very emotional. Looking back tired and craving dairy, fruit, and veggies. I am very irregular so if I do not get my period that does not concern me. But since we were co-hosting a Christmas party on Saturday I thought I would just double check. Both tests turned blue before I peed on them. It was instant. I am pretty positive I know when it happened and by my calculations I am only about 6 weeks. Unfortunately all of our friends know too well that if I am not in the thick of things with the drinking games I am either terminally ill or pregnant. The banked on the latter.

I told my mom and she has sent a telegram to my huge family so everyone is aware. I understand there is still a risk of miscarriage but we have a great support system either way so at this point we might as well let the flood gates open. 

So today I will be going in to have my levels checked to make sure everything looks normal. With Alex there were some concerns so I had to be put on progesterone. I am tired, my boobs hurt really bad, and every day  I am feeling better about it. Especially when I see pictures like the one above.

My butt is broken

So I went to a spinning class last night. Thought it can't be that bad, right? WRONG! I was sore from Zumba the night before but not too bad. In the middle of this class I wanted to fall to the ground and  beg the instructor to stop. Please if you have any decency in you at all and you want me to not die in the middle of this class you will stop, STOP NOW! Leslie (who works out A LOT more then me) and I  both kept looking at each other in dismay. What did we do to ourselves? There were 3 women in that class that had to be close to 50 that were amazing! They have been in the class since the beginning, I was so jealous. I also thought that I was probably good motivation for them-look at her, she is half our age and she can't make it with an evil cackle. Bu they were actually fantastic-encouraging and delightful to be with. Reminding us they have been doing this class for over a year.

But you know what? I made it! I did the entire class, granted at my own pace sometimes but I still completed it. I felt like I won the lottery! Tonight I am playing it safe with Zumba but tomorrow I am going to get back on that cycle, broken butt and all!

Today

Just came way too fast. This weekend we really did not do a whole lot, mainly decorated for Christmas-I love my tree, I could stare at it all day. A little baking-blueberry muffins and some rice krispy bars. A little cleaning and Sunday school.

Erik and I had an off weekend. I think that we get so programmed into doing on our own thing that when we have an entire weekend together it can be too much. Is that bad? Quite honestly we are on completely different zones right now because he has been working so much. So I have my routine down with the boys and sometimes feel like he is interfering with it when he is around. Instead of relief that I have help I find myself getting annoyed sometimes. It will pass now that he is back to working a 40 hour work week but then I will be frustrated that he is not around to help when I get accustomed to it again. I feel that sometimes I set him up so he is not able to win with me. Then I feel bad,  I let my guard down, and then I get irritated again. It really is a lovely pattern. He asked me the other day what I wanted from him and I honestly had no idea what I wanted from him. At the time I wanted to yell,"NOTHING!" Run to my bedroom and slam my door  like I used to do when I was a teenager, ironically in the very same bedroom. But instead the adult in me took over and I took a deep breath and instead said,"Nothing, I'm fine." LIAR!

So I am going to zumba tonight to dance away my irritations...I will keep you posted if it works...

My Christmas Wish List

Yep! For me. Every time there is a commercial on both my boys chime in,"Mom, I WANT THAT!!!" I am so ready to pull the plug on our TV just for that reason. My response started out as,"Okay, put it  on your list to Santa." To,"Maybe you want to think about what you are going to buy others for Christmas, it is about giving not receiving." To-look away, roll eyes, and remind them sternly that Christmas is not all about gifts. Because I hear "I WANT THAT" every commercial-not exaggerating.

So I say the heck with them I am coming up with my own list to Santa wish list.

1. Massage-a long, amazing full body massage.
2. Vacation-to anywhere with sand and warm sun. Actually anywhere would do.
3. A new kitchen-this I have been wanting for a very long time, just cannot make up my mind on what to do.
4. Liposuction for my stomach, butt, arms, and thighs.
5. My own home delivery system of getting groceries delivered. Push a button and they arrive in your kitchen put away.
6. Chocolate that is rich, creamy, and has 0 calories.
7. A new wardrobe including the trendiest boots, accessories, and an outfit ready made for each day.
8. A cleaning lady to come to my house every week-this one I want REALLY, REALLY bad.
9. A new pimped out mini-van, preferably the new Honda or Volkswagen model.
10. A night out with all my girlfriends-I will dress you, pay for you, and provide sitters.

So Santa, there you have it. Ho! Ho! Ho!

Bowls for Babies

I just got back from lunch and my belly is warm with Crab Bisque, Chicken Dumpling, and Cream of Mushroom soup...not to mention 3 Great Harvest Rolls and 2 sugar cookies. No judging. Plus I got to walk away with an original  (very cool) painted bowl all for $15. The best part is the proceeds go to the March of Dimes. Life is good! I am completely convinced that I would like to take part in this event every year going forward and make it an annual date for me to catch up with some girlfriends. I think I am even going to paint a bowl next year, I know Anthony and Alex would love to do it as well.

When I was sitting there today it got me thinking. Thinking about how I really enjoy being a part of events like this. How it feels good knowing you are helping others even if it is in the slightest way. In between slurping my soup down I was also very grateful that I was able to bring home two healthy baby boys. That what a miracle it is to have a healthy pregnancy, delivery, and go home with a squishy, soft, warm baby.

So today I pray for all the mothers that haven't taken a baby home and have had to leave the hospital alone. I pray for all those that are still having to endure medical tests, hospitals, and having to be away from their other children.  I pray that I remember in my darkest hours of mothering that I appreciate what I have. Because every mother deserves a healthy baby and if they are not granted that they deserve to get support from great organizations like the March of Dimes.

http://www.marchofdimes.com/