Good Bye 2008 and Good Riddance!

Odd way to title my last blog for the year but in my eyes very fitting. It has been a year of loss and a year of many new additions. On December 23rd my last grandparent died. My Grandpa Ray ended an era for me. So this past weekend my dad's entire family was together to celebrate his life as well as Christmas. The irony of it all is that Christmas was absolutely my grandma's favorite holiday. I was out at Leslie's when my uncle called to tell me he was in the hospital. I asked if it was anything serious he replied no. No big deal we went on to decorate cookies with the boys, I think they ate more than they decorated. Alex even took down two with no problem. I brought the boys back to town and went back out to Leslie's later for a girls reunion with Kristin, Amanda, and Kelly. We were having a lot of fun, maybe too much but I went to grab my phone and saw that I had missed six calls. I knew he had passed. I called my Uncle Jeff and he was crying, I felt guilty because I was not sad. I was happy for my grandpa, relieved that he was finally not uncomfortable and missing his wife. My grandparents did not by any means have the happiest marriage but in my grandfathers eyes she was his life. My girlfriends were the perfect people for me to be with that night. They all understood what kind of relationships I hold dear to my heart. They understand me. It was comforting to be with them, it was like it really did not happen. Reality eventually set it.



The next day was the wake. Erik stayed home with the boys because they were all three not feeling well. I went to the church, saw my grandpa, felt numb. Really still felt content in the fact that he was old, he had lived his life, and now was much happier with my grandma. Saturday was the funeral. First of all we got there and Anthony walked up to the casket with me. We walked to the coat closet to put away all of our belongings. Erik and I are focused on getting Alex's coat off and situated. I look down and Anthony is sobbing. Not for attention but out of true sorrow and grief. He is crying and repeatedly saying,"But I loved my grandpa." He was inconsolable for almost 2o minutes. Me still feeling fine with everything.



The service is about to start and I am casually looking through old photos of my grandparents. Quickly realizing that at any event big or small whether it is a birthday party, baptism, 40th or 50th Anniversary I am there with them. Not just in the crowd but right next to them. If I am not sitting directly to the right of my grandma I am as close as I can possibly be to them. Now this isn't in a handful of pictures, this is my life slowly replaying. At all my family gatherings I was with my grandparents, they were my side kicks, we laughed, played cards, I would refill their Pepsi's. Now I am sad, my heart is broken, and do not want anyone to see me sad. That is another thing I have realized about myself. I am very uncomfortable feeling vulnerable in front of people. Whether that is my family, friends, husband, or children. Pretty much makes my skin crawl.



Well today it is all over. My dad and his siblings were joking that they were now orphans (you have to know my family-they are seriously twisted-but I love them) and in certain respects I feel like an orphaned grandchild. But I am truly grateful to have the run I had with them. I can almost hear them cheering me on from heaven, I will not disappoint them.



On a funny side note my Uncle Jeff is definitely the organizer, etc. He is per say the Director of Operations of the Capouch Family- sans his real job is Director of Operations at Noridian. He RARELY makes any type of mistake- I am not kidding. On the day of the funeral he went to put his suit of for the service. Quickly realizing that his pants are a foot too short-he is panicking- he puts his suit coat on and realizes that is coat is also too small. He had two suits on Wednesday in his car- one for my grandpa and his. Needless to say my grandpa was buried in Jeff's suit and knowing my grandpa he is laughing all the way.

Love Clay Your Way...

Saturday Anthony and I spent the day together. Just the two of us and it was so wonderful. He is hilarious! We started our day off at Clay Your Way to make some Christmas projects. We made some really fun pieces and I cannot wait for everyone to open up their special presents from Anthony. He could not wait to finish one project to move onto the next. Afterwards I took him out to HuHot. He loved it, great place for kids. It was nice just the two of us.

Resolutions so far...

1. Purchased from only small businesses so far (basically if you are not a chain I will buy), forfeited Target, that was tough. I know I'll be back there.
2. Have not had fast food. Did go to Mexican Village but had the luncheon fajita which is pretty much the only thing without gravy on it. Walked yesterday- almost died of hypothermia. Why I chose the middle of winter to start exercising is a whole new issue.
3. Needs vs wants is virtually impossible to holiday shop with this so thank goodness these resolutions really do not take effect until the 31st.
4. Trying to mind my own business and only stating opinion when asked. This is going to be the toughest I can see.
5. I have kissed everyone good morning and good night. Said my prayers with Anthony.

So there it is! My trial run for the new year.

This morning I was in charge of the decorating cookies station in Anthony's pre-school class with Steph Berneking (sp?). It was a blast to watch the kids. I wore this funny apron my mom gave me last year- it looked a lot cuter when I was pregnant and resembled Santa's belly. Nice, plump, and round. This year my belly looked like some stacking rings stuck under red velvet and white fluff, not nearly as attractive but the kids still thought it was neat. Anthony was pretty proud I was there and I enjoyed taking part. He also is done with school today until 2009. So if I go A-wall send my husband to AJ's looking for me. All kidding aside, I know it is going to be fun, but the politically correct term would also be "challenging". Once the kids have that outlet it is hard to keep them busy and fulfilled to that capacity when they are not in school. But we will do our versions of projects to fill the void as well as hopefully spend some time outside if the weather cooperates.

That's the way it is.

When I first began "blogging" I have to admit I wasn't sure if I could pull it off. I wanted to be truthful but was worried about letting others into my world of crazy thoughts. Truth be told most of the time I forget that others ever even read this. It is now one of my most treasured secrets. When I sit down to write it makes me feel like a better person. Like I still have me. That even though my life seems chaotic and crazy it's just mine. It is truly my own personal therapy. That being said I am going to reveal my 2009 New Year's Resolutions. Honestly this is something that I have for the most part given up on the last couple of years but this year I am going to put them in writing and hold myself accountable. So here it goes.

1. When I am making purchases this year I am going to concentrate much of my spending to the other small businesses of the world. Why? Because I want my small business to thrive therefore it is important that I do my part in supporting other small businesses of the world.
2. I want to get healthy. I feel better when I get my lazy ass up and go for a walk. I feel like crap when I eat McDonald's. It should be a no brainer but I am going to try retrain my life from a life of convenience to a life of substance. Plus I want to be a good example for my boys.
3. My motto for the last 3 months or so is when I am making a decision I think,"Is this a need or a want?" When you actually ask yourself this questions it is amazing how many times the answer turns to being a want. Walk away, don't look back, and odds you will have no memory of it the next day. Sounds like I am talking about something completely wrong but the subject matter I am regarding is consumer spending.
4. I will be supportive of my husband, family, and friends no matter if I don't agree with decisions they are making in their lives. I learned this past year that people are going to make decisions you don't like. The bad news is that sometimes it is clearly none of your damn business. In the end things seem to always work out for the best.
5. I am going to seriously try count to three before I get frustrated with the men in my life. Turns out two of them are under the age of five and the other for the most part tries to uncomplicate my life versus the analogy I tell myself sometimes. I will kiss and hug each of them in the morning and night. I will say my prayers every night like Anthony.

Lastly, I will be the change I want to see in the world. I really thought turning 30 was traumatic. Turns out I have a feeling this is going to be my best decade yet. I can just feel it.

Time flies when you are having fun!?....

Well I cannot believe that it is the 14th of December...where did the time go this month? This week is not any different. We have Anthony's program on Tuesday night at 6:30 at St. Joe's and I am so excited to watch it. I love watching all the little kids. There is always the one that is the model student, the comedian, the kid picking his nose, and a teacher standing by praying that all will do well. No matter which child belongs to you their is a large crowd of proud parents watching and beaming with pride at their child. I love it!! This week we also have Christmas parties, vet appointments, and finishing my Christmas shopping not to mention work.

We went and visited Santa this past week. Anthony hopped right up and told him he wants a green Poweranger and a Megazord (not quite sure what that is in Poweranger language, in fact google doesn't know either). Alex was very skeptical of him, at first he started to cry then just sat and stared at him. Normally when there is a camera involved Alex is a ham but I could not get him to crack a smile. I was also in Willmar this past week for work. No offense if you are from Willmar but that town is STRANGE! Initially Stacey and I thought it was really cute but after being their we both felt like we were in the movie Smallville. All in all it was a success because I have a candidate going in for a second interview this next week so cross your fingers. Stacey has been a great addition to Candidate Connection. She has had large national accounts call her back already this past week and is hitting the pavement hard meeting up with all kinds of companies and people. It is also nice to have someone to talk shop with that understands my recruiting world.

Between my two jobs right now I am working ALOT!! My poor husband has been manning the home front on his own at night time quite a bit lately and I am grateful for all of his support. The extra money has been great, my co-workers are super fun, but I think after the holiday season I am going to let my boss know at Usher's that I can only work one night a week. It gets to be too much and I really miss my boys. Today is awesome because we are all four snowed in for the day. So far I have been successful at ignoring all the clothes that Erik has folded that need to now be put away. But I am now feeling guilty...

Oh and before I forget Alex is now playing "So Big"on his own, it is seriously the cutest thing I have ever seen. Not to mention desperately trying to walk. He has taken a few steps, not very gracefully but successfully. Once from the ottoman to me and once between Erik and I.

I also managed to get my holiday cards done, by that I mean ordered. For those I have received from so far I love them all!! If I don't have your address please post it for me so I can send you one. If you read my blog you have definitely earned yourself a Christmas card for listening to me preach.

Alex's Milestones

Well Big Al is now clapping, standing, and starting to push his little walker around. I am slowly introducing him to a cup as well and he seems to like it. He is so funny, every time Erik came into the room over the weekend he would start clapping away. It is so cute to see his chubby little hands clapping. I love these little milestones. Soon we will be done with the bottle, formula, and he will be walking. It is seriously not fair how fast the first year goes by. I am just starting to hear little words that he is trying to say besides mama and dada. The one that is the most apparent is nah, which translates to no. Go figure!!