Good Bye 2008 and Good Riddance!

Odd way to title my last blog for the year but in my eyes very fitting. It has been a year of loss and a year of many new additions. On December 23rd my last grandparent died. My Grandpa Ray ended an era for me. So this past weekend my dad's entire family was together to celebrate his life as well as Christmas. The irony of it all is that Christmas was absolutely my grandma's favorite holiday. I was out at Leslie's when my uncle called to tell me he was in the hospital. I asked if it was anything serious he replied no. No big deal we went on to decorate cookies with the boys, I think they ate more than they decorated. Alex even took down two with no problem. I brought the boys back to town and went back out to Leslie's later for a girls reunion with Kristin, Amanda, and Kelly. We were having a lot of fun, maybe too much but I went to grab my phone and saw that I had missed six calls. I knew he had passed. I called my Uncle Jeff and he was crying, I felt guilty because I was not sad. I was happy for my grandpa, relieved that he was finally not uncomfortable and missing his wife. My grandparents did not by any means have the happiest marriage but in my grandfathers eyes she was his life. My girlfriends were the perfect people for me to be with that night. They all understood what kind of relationships I hold dear to my heart. They understand me. It was comforting to be with them, it was like it really did not happen. Reality eventually set it.



The next day was the wake. Erik stayed home with the boys because they were all three not feeling well. I went to the church, saw my grandpa, felt numb. Really still felt content in the fact that he was old, he had lived his life, and now was much happier with my grandma. Saturday was the funeral. First of all we got there and Anthony walked up to the casket with me. We walked to the coat closet to put away all of our belongings. Erik and I are focused on getting Alex's coat off and situated. I look down and Anthony is sobbing. Not for attention but out of true sorrow and grief. He is crying and repeatedly saying,"But I loved my grandpa." He was inconsolable for almost 2o minutes. Me still feeling fine with everything.



The service is about to start and I am casually looking through old photos of my grandparents. Quickly realizing that at any event big or small whether it is a birthday party, baptism, 40th or 50th Anniversary I am there with them. Not just in the crowd but right next to them. If I am not sitting directly to the right of my grandma I am as close as I can possibly be to them. Now this isn't in a handful of pictures, this is my life slowly replaying. At all my family gatherings I was with my grandparents, they were my side kicks, we laughed, played cards, I would refill their Pepsi's. Now I am sad, my heart is broken, and do not want anyone to see me sad. That is another thing I have realized about myself. I am very uncomfortable feeling vulnerable in front of people. Whether that is my family, friends, husband, or children. Pretty much makes my skin crawl.



Well today it is all over. My dad and his siblings were joking that they were now orphans (you have to know my family-they are seriously twisted-but I love them) and in certain respects I feel like an orphaned grandchild. But I am truly grateful to have the run I had with them. I can almost hear them cheering me on from heaven, I will not disappoint them.



On a funny side note my Uncle Jeff is definitely the organizer, etc. He is per say the Director of Operations of the Capouch Family- sans his real job is Director of Operations at Noridian. He RARELY makes any type of mistake- I am not kidding. On the day of the funeral he went to put his suit of for the service. Quickly realizing that his pants are a foot too short-he is panicking- he puts his suit coat on and realizes that is coat is also too small. He had two suits on Wednesday in his car- one for my grandpa and his. Needless to say my grandpa was buried in Jeff's suit and knowing my grandpa he is laughing all the way.