Have a great weekend!!!

Anthony's self portrait from school

Because I want to...I am grateful.

Since I have been such a bear lately I thought it was high time I remind myself all that I am grateful for.

1. That I was able to get pregnant without any help than from the man upstairs. Truly is a miracle.
2. I spent the entire weekend with my boys locked in the house playing, coloring, making cookies, and relaxing. Left once for a little bit of holiday shopping with Erik's mom, otherwise holed up.
3. I told Anthony that he was my source of entertainment on Saturday and he responded,"You got it mama. Whatcha want to play?"
4. Anthony came home from Sunday school with an ornament he made of baby Jesus. He was so proud of it and it looks perfect on our tree.
5. Poor Alex came down with a bug on Saturday night. Even though he is close to being 3 he is still only a 2 year old little boy. He woke me up in a haze and I realized he was not feeling well but he held it in until we ran to the bathroom. Got done throwing up and looked at me calmly,"I sick Mom." 
6. Very thankful that Alex felt better yesterday by noon and was back to chasing Anthony around the house.
7. Betty got a haircut and now she officially looks like a half pug, half poodle. The head of a poodle and the body of a pug. You cannot help but laugh when you see her.
8. Christmas Eve is just going to be the four or us. Headed to church, bake and decorate sugar cookies, and open our family presents.
9. That even though my fridge is on the fritz I still have a working dishwasher, stove, microwave, washer and dryer. 
10. I have a cavity but if I eat chocolate on the right side of my mouth is doesn't hurt. As long as I can get chocolate in it is all good.

So it begins...

The title of my post today is what Erik said to me on Monday,"so it begins." Oh I'm sorry that I want to kick your ass. I swear to God my hormones kicked in this week and I am on fire. It seems like they kicked in all of a sudden out of nowhere. Much, much stronger than with the boys. With them it was very gradual...yeah not this time around. Not sure if it is because your body has been through this before so it kicks it into pregnancy gear a lot quicker or if I am just such a basket case so I am much more sensitive to everything. But its not just emotional issues or the fact that I could eat chocolate for every meal, I had the dry heaves this morning. Really bad. It was gross. The boys are banging on the door because they want to make sure I was okay. I am sitting on the bathroom floor with tears streaming down my face because quite honestly I am not sure that I am. Where is my husband? In bed. It took everything in me this morning to not go punch him while he lay there sleeping peacefully. It was my morning to get up, we take every other. He was not being lazy. But I was so irritated that he could lay there sleeping peacefully well my head throbbed, my guts were turning, and I was contemplating a nervous breakdown in our bathroom. Oh and I got up 3 times to pee last night. It is like I am 9 months pregnant not barely pregnant. WTH?

I know this will all pass...but today it cannot pass soon enough. The good news is that I only have 34 weeks left of this, or 8 months and 2 weeks, or 238 days...God help us all!

Thinks that make you go hmmm....

Look at how teeny tiny Alex is in that picture. It is one of my all time favorite pictures because he is only about 3 months old and look at those boobies. How can you not love them? 

When we had Alex I desperately wanted to get pregnant. We tried for a couple years after Anthony and it just was not happening. Eventually I went to see a fertility specialist and we were very lucky to get pregnant in one month. Dr. Christianson said we should be the poster child for infertility.

My pregnancy with him was great. I felt great, I really enjoyed the pregnancy until the 10th month because I had wanted it so bad. I could tell in-utero he was going to be laid back because he barely moved. After delivery we figured out why, he was an ounce shy of being 9 lbs. He was also a very pretty baby. Nice clear skin with a wild thick mane of hair. Every single one of the nurses that we had told me that they don't say it to everyone but he was a pretty baby. I agreed. 

In the hospital the experience with Alex was different than with Anthony. With Anthony I labored for 30 hours followed by a c-section. With Alex it was already planned so I was rested. I was ready to snuggle him, hold him, and feed him. I decided to breastfeed with him. When everyone would leave at night I would lay him on my bed and just stare at him, I was so grateful. He was mine.

Erik and I had resigned to the fact that it was the four of us, especially due to us having to go the extra measure with Alex. I sometimes long for a third but was content with our dynamic.

This past weekend that all changed. I realize it is early to share but since pretty much everyone and their brother already knows.... drum-roll please....we are pregnant!

The past couple of weeks I have been very emotional. Looking back tired and craving dairy, fruit, and veggies. I am very irregular so if I do not get my period that does not concern me. But since we were co-hosting a Christmas party on Saturday I thought I would just double check. Both tests turned blue before I peed on them. It was instant. I am pretty positive I know when it happened and by my calculations I am only about 6 weeks. Unfortunately all of our friends know too well that if I am not in the thick of things with the drinking games I am either terminally ill or pregnant. The banked on the latter.

I told my mom and she has sent a telegram to my huge family so everyone is aware. I understand there is still a risk of miscarriage but we have a great support system either way so at this point we might as well let the flood gates open. 

So today I will be going in to have my levels checked to make sure everything looks normal. With Alex there were some concerns so I had to be put on progesterone. I am tired, my boobs hurt really bad, and every day  I am feeling better about it. Especially when I see pictures like the one above.

My butt is broken

So I went to a spinning class last night. Thought it can't be that bad, right? WRONG! I was sore from Zumba the night before but not too bad. In the middle of this class I wanted to fall to the ground and  beg the instructor to stop. Please if you have any decency in you at all and you want me to not die in the middle of this class you will stop, STOP NOW! Leslie (who works out A LOT more then me) and I  both kept looking at each other in dismay. What did we do to ourselves? There were 3 women in that class that had to be close to 50 that were amazing! They have been in the class since the beginning, I was so jealous. I also thought that I was probably good motivation for them-look at her, she is half our age and she can't make it with an evil cackle. Bu they were actually fantastic-encouraging and delightful to be with. Reminding us they have been doing this class for over a year.

But you know what? I made it! I did the entire class, granted at my own pace sometimes but I still completed it. I felt like I won the lottery! Tonight I am playing it safe with Zumba but tomorrow I am going to get back on that cycle, broken butt and all!

Today

Just came way too fast. This weekend we really did not do a whole lot, mainly decorated for Christmas-I love my tree, I could stare at it all day. A little baking-blueberry muffins and some rice krispy bars. A little cleaning and Sunday school.

Erik and I had an off weekend. I think that we get so programmed into doing on our own thing that when we have an entire weekend together it can be too much. Is that bad? Quite honestly we are on completely different zones right now because he has been working so much. So I have my routine down with the boys and sometimes feel like he is interfering with it when he is around. Instead of relief that I have help I find myself getting annoyed sometimes. It will pass now that he is back to working a 40 hour work week but then I will be frustrated that he is not around to help when I get accustomed to it again. I feel that sometimes I set him up so he is not able to win with me. Then I feel bad,  I let my guard down, and then I get irritated again. It really is a lovely pattern. He asked me the other day what I wanted from him and I honestly had no idea what I wanted from him. At the time I wanted to yell,"NOTHING!" Run to my bedroom and slam my door  like I used to do when I was a teenager, ironically in the very same bedroom. But instead the adult in me took over and I took a deep breath and instead said,"Nothing, I'm fine." LIAR!

So I am going to zumba tonight to dance away my irritations...I will keep you posted if it works...

My Christmas Wish List

Yep! For me. Every time there is a commercial on both my boys chime in,"Mom, I WANT THAT!!!" I am so ready to pull the plug on our TV just for that reason. My response started out as,"Okay, put it  on your list to Santa." To,"Maybe you want to think about what you are going to buy others for Christmas, it is about giving not receiving." To-look away, roll eyes, and remind them sternly that Christmas is not all about gifts. Because I hear "I WANT THAT" every commercial-not exaggerating.

So I say the heck with them I am coming up with my own list to Santa wish list.

1. Massage-a long, amazing full body massage.
2. Vacation-to anywhere with sand and warm sun. Actually anywhere would do.
3. A new kitchen-this I have been wanting for a very long time, just cannot make up my mind on what to do.
4. Liposuction for my stomach, butt, arms, and thighs.
5. My own home delivery system of getting groceries delivered. Push a button and they arrive in your kitchen put away.
6. Chocolate that is rich, creamy, and has 0 calories.
7. A new wardrobe including the trendiest boots, accessories, and an outfit ready made for each day.
8. A cleaning lady to come to my house every week-this one I want REALLY, REALLY bad.
9. A new pimped out mini-van, preferably the new Honda or Volkswagen model.
10. A night out with all my girlfriends-I will dress you, pay for you, and provide sitters.

So Santa, there you have it. Ho! Ho! Ho!

Bowls for Babies

I just got back from lunch and my belly is warm with Crab Bisque, Chicken Dumpling, and Cream of Mushroom soup...not to mention 3 Great Harvest Rolls and 2 sugar cookies. No judging. Plus I got to walk away with an original  (very cool) painted bowl all for $15. The best part is the proceeds go to the March of Dimes. Life is good! I am completely convinced that I would like to take part in this event every year going forward and make it an annual date for me to catch up with some girlfriends. I think I am even going to paint a bowl next year, I know Anthony and Alex would love to do it as well.

When I was sitting there today it got me thinking. Thinking about how I really enjoy being a part of events like this. How it feels good knowing you are helping others even if it is in the slightest way. In between slurping my soup down I was also very grateful that I was able to bring home two healthy baby boys. That what a miracle it is to have a healthy pregnancy, delivery, and go home with a squishy, soft, warm baby.

So today I pray for all the mothers that haven't taken a baby home and have had to leave the hospital alone. I pray for all those that are still having to endure medical tests, hospitals, and having to be away from their other children.  I pray that I remember in my darkest hours of mothering that I appreciate what I have. Because every mother deserves a healthy baby and if they are not granted that they deserve to get support from great organizations like the March of Dimes.

http://www.marchofdimes.com/

This a must have!!!

Basa Body came to my attention through C Jane and I love it for a number of reasons.

1. It is an organization that is built around making the women from Kenya gain some independence. So they can self support themselves and their children.
2. It is all natural and organic. Made primarily from coconut oil it feels so good on your body and smells fantastic!
3. I am in LOVE with the body stick-read the link I attached here. It is 100% true that it is the natural love juice-welcome to being 30 ladies, I cannot say enough good things about it. I bought sticks for myself and the boys. It is great for dry skin and soothes small bums when they are sore.

Love the idea behind this company and the products I have tried so far. You can get an additional 10% off if click on the Basa ad. Great stocking stuffers for others and to treat yourself. You will not regret it!

Owen

Snuggly, yummy, sweet...he gives me baby fever!

Today

I am home from work sick, oh wait, I am home sick from work but still working. Because technology allows us to. Half of me is appreciative of this and  half of me is bitter because if this. That even though my guts are twisting and my stomach is making noises I have never heard of I can still get my work done, thank you technology.

I woke up this morning and immediately felt gross...you know the yucky sick that you don't openly talk about because you don't want to gross people out. I probably just grossed you out-sorry. I texted my boss and explained I was having some technical difficulties and would be working from the comforts of my home today. Because there was no way I was going to work without my own bathroom. He responded, okay, now go and rest. I responded oh no, I can still work just want to be comfortable.

So now I am grouchy, typing away on my bed to my blogger friends because I hate this computer and I am sick. I AM SICK!!!

Rock out with your bad self!!!

Check out Anthony rocking out here!

Here he gives a shout out to Cece and has an awesome kick going on.

When I went to the Holiday Wine & Dine with Holly on Friday- very fun event that raised over $100,000 for the Big Brothers Big Sisters program Erik stayed home with the boys and introduced Anthony to the Rock Band guitar. They tried to pull a fast one one me (wink, wink) and tell me that was Anthony's very first time playing.

Anthony is now in LOVE. Brings me back to the days of watching Erik back on the stages of 1st Avenue. Thought I was going to marry a rock star. ***SIGH*** 

Turns out I did, just a digital version.

P.S. Ignore my voice and Erik being a fun hater in the second video. Alex likes to jam too, hopefully I can catch him with his Elmo guitar when he is in the mood. HILARIOUS!

Things that make you go ewe!!!

Erik is totally creeped out by this door that I found on a curb that I am in love with!

Anthony is not so sure about the insides of a pumpkin!

He is kind of creeping me out with his face in this picture....such motherly love!

Milk for all kids

Please donate anything you can to help! I am in the process of trying to collect donations for "Milk for all kids". A way for me to help be the change! There are 5 kids in Anthony's class that do not receive milk each day at milk break, 5 kids that cannot receive it because there families cannot afford it. At his parent teacher conferences I had a conversation with his teacher about it and thought instead of feeling sorry for them I am going to try raise the funds needed. So starting in December my goal is for them to receive milk just like their friends every day. I need to raise $420 total and anything that goes over that I will be donating to Reinertsen School for any other kids that are not receiving milk. To make a donation you can go here. Thanks for all of your support and helping to be the change!

I am, I think, I know

Taken from Vicky's and Bonnie's post...I encourage you to do the same.

I am: very tired this week, cannot get it together between daylight savings and  New Orleans trip.
I think: I am very ready for the weekend! Time to relax and spend some time with the boys.
I know: that I have the best girlfriends in the world!
I want: for my children never to be sad or hurt.
I have: very expensive taste, if there is a purse I find at TJ Maxx, it is guaranteed to be the most expensive one but I don' t every buy it.
I dislike: those that think they know it all.
I miss: not having to pay bills. You have no idea what your parents do for you when you are growing up.
I fear: snakes, being alone, the dark if Erik is gone.
I feel: very content in my life right now, it is where it is suppose to be. Today anyway...
I hear: what I want
I smell: a lot more since I have had kids, my nose is like a hound dog-the scent thing never left me after pregnancy
I crave: the beach
I search: for keys, debit card every single day
I wonder: what my life is going to be like in 20 years?
I regret: not much, what happens in the past makes your future
I love: to be loved
I care: about a lot
I am always: racing through the day...
I worry: about money, the boys' hearts, and my health
I remember: depends on the subject, person, event
I have: so much that I am grateful for
I dance: watching Dancing With the Stars with the boys, Erik loves coming home to that! :)
I sing: to my husband and boys-different things but they dig it!
I don’t always: have patience but the boys and aging is helping me with that.
I argue: a lot more when I am tired but I am pretty easy going, I don't like to argue it makes me anxious.
I write: every day whether it is for work, blogs, texts...you name it. I love to write!
I lose: EVERYTHING! I wish I had magnets on my hands, not kidding.
I wish: For food in every child's belly and a bed to go to sleep in with a parent that is happy to see them when they wake up. Every single child deserves a good childhood.
I listen: as much as I can.
I don't understand: metabolism
I can usually be found: at home, work, or at Target.
I am scared: of not getting to see my children grow up-I desperately want to be a grandma!
I need: girl time or I will literally go crazy!
I forget: just as many things as I remember
I am happy: that the holidays are here and I get to see my new Godchild Owen in 2 weeks!

Teen Suicide

It is hard to imagine why a teenager would rather die than go one more day. Why they feel it would be easier to end their life then face the possibility of being harassed another day. Teen suicide is a hot topic right now because there seems to be a trend happening, they are being driven to do the unthinkable by their peers. It gives me the chills, it makes me so sad for these teenagers because if they can get through it they will one day realize that this time in their life can become the past. I know this because I have been there at their age. I have wanted to die because of they way that I was being treated by my peers. In fact I became very close to dying but I survived. I am a survivor of teen suicide.

I moved to Moorhead in 9th grade. Growing up I was in 7 different schools, as soon as I would get comfortable at a school and had made a group of solid friends we would end up moving. It may have been because my dad got a new job, maybe we moved to a new home, or it was time to switch from parochial to public education. It did not become unbearable until I was in junior high and high school. Why? Because kids at that age no longer have to be polite. The teachers aren't in all of your period classes, they are very busy, and are not there to encourage the children to be "nice" to the new kids. Changing classes every period you kind of get lost in the mix. Especially when there are over 400 kids in your class. It is not anyones "fault" it just is what it is.

My first week of school not hardly any of the girls spoke to me. The boys did but that almost made it more awkward. I would get those,"who did you think you are looks?" Not only was I not making friends at my new school but my old relationships from my old beloved school were deteriorating rapidly. The girls that had become my sisters were angry with me, some for good reason others not sure why. I broke up with my first boyfriend that I thought I was going to be with forever. 8th grade romance sounds ridiculous but in all seriousness I did love this boy. I moved away and I was now the outsider.

I remember walking the halls of Moorhead High School and feeling like my heart was literally broken in half. Walking in a dark cloud. I could hear the voices around me, they felt as if they were drowning me. I would cry before school, in the bathrooms at school, and would cry all night long in my room after school. My parents fought me on phone bills. They fought me on trying to steal the car to go to Perham. They fought me on smoking cigarettes. I know that they were so tired of fighting me that the started to almost resent me.

The last straw was when they had given me permission to go spend a weekend in Perham. I was at one of my girlfriends, actually one of my best friends, and I kept reciting the calling card number my mom had given me so I would not forget it. I came home from the weekend and a couple weeks later my parents received the phone bill. It was over $200 and there was a $60 call from the calling card. They went ballistic! I told them it was not me but after crying wolf so many times they were done listening to my lies. There was nothing I could say or do to get them to believe me. I know that my girlfriend did it to me out of spite because I had done some things at the end of our friendship that were not right. But no matter what I said my parents did not believe me-they were done with me. At that point I felt like I could not go on any longer. I truly wanted to die.

I went to the medicine cabinet and grabbed a bottle that I had already premixed with all of our medications. This was not a new thought, I had been thinking about this for months. I looked at myself in the mirror, opened the bottle, and began swallowing pills. One by one I took an aspirin, Tylenol, ibuprofen. I would take each handful of pills with some water cupped in my other hand. I thought about how my parents were going to find me sleeping in my bed but not breathing. I thought about all of the pain I felt and how it was soon going to be ending. I thought about how all my friends were going to be sorry for hurting me. I thought how I could not wait to be gone.

After I had taken anywhere from 60-75 pills I walked to my room. In my head I had imagined that I would lay down and go to sleep. That is not what happens. Quickly my equilibrium was gone, I could not stand up right. My speech was soon to follow, I started slurring like I had one too many cocktails. But the thing that scared me the most was my vision. I was not seeing in double but more like triple and quadruple.

I woke up in the ICU with both of my parents staring at me. My mom looked like she had been through a war and my dad was sitting in his referee shirt still with his whistle on staring at me in disbelief. They both were being questioned by a social worker. Guilt flooded over me, this is not their fault, they are good parents. This is my fault, I am a bad kid please leave them alone.

After I was out of the fog but still in ICU one of the nurses sat with me one afternoon. She was my favorite, she looked after me as if I was her own, and she wore bright yellow scrubs. She asked why I did this to myself. I told her it was because I really wanted to die. She then explained to me that I have a disease and it is  called depression. That she sees cases like mine all the time, I am not alone. She also explained to my how close I was to dying. That if my mother had gotten me there 5 minutes later it was very possible that I would not have made it. Do I realize the long term effects on my body? I still have some kidney damage from it.

From Meritcare ICU for five days I went to St. John's Odyssey for a month. The movie Girl, Interrupted with Angelina Jolie and Wynona Ryder was a 1960's portrayal of Odyssey but it was set in 1992 and was coed. I was there with girls with very colorful pasts. I shared a room with a girl that cut herself, her name was Joni and she painted on her eyebrows.  Another girl that I had group counseling with who was 12, was there for trying to kill her parents-classified as a "sociopath". I felt like a mild case but it was also the first time that I felt like I belonged in a really long time. It was still very hush, hush. I remember my parents telling the school to tell the other kids I was gone for appendicitis or some sort of ailment. Depression was not as commonly spoken about in the early 90's like it is today.

I was there for 3 weeks. 5 rounds of counseling per day and released jacked up on Prozac and Lithium I was good to go. The rules were I could no longer look back only forward. I had to be honest with my parents even if it was uncomfortable and I had to keep seeing a counselor as well as a psychiatrist.

This experience has helped to mold me. It has not defined me. I came out of it with a strength I did not know existed. Now that I am older and 17 years wiser I am okay with sharing my story. Each time I hear about a teenager that is losing this battle it literally reaches in and crushes my heart. Being a teenager is just the beginning of your life, when you are in the mix of it you believe that this is it. But when you turn 30 you can barely remember it. We have to fight for these kids and stand by them. They need to know that they deserve to have a significant other, children, and a career they love. That some day they are going to have a group of friends that will support them no matter what and love them for being who they are. I found all of these things and so much more. In fact I found many of them after being released.

They deserve to be happy. 

We all deserve to be happy. 

 I am very happy.

Home Sweet Home

1. Sleeping in my own bed-I slept like a rock when I got home.
2. Woke up to 4 little arms throwing themselves at me because,"I missed you SO much Mom." Words cannot describe how I ached for these arms especially the last couple of days.
3. To sleep next to my snoring husband, normally annoyed but once back home again I am very grateful.
4. Wake up in the morning and go to my own bathroom-taking a bath....awe.
5. Making eggs for the boys but at the same time getting requests for juice, cereal, and cartoons. All things I was ready for a break from when I left but right now music to my ears.
6. Curling up in our PJ's to read books on the couch.
7. Listening to all three of my boys cheer on the Vikings and they WON, now that was a bonus.
8. Loving my husband for taking the boys outside to play "roof ball", from what I get there version of Ante I Over. He thought I needed to rest. Quite truthfully I did, I am still exhausted.
9. More random hugs, I love yous, and I missed you with lots of little arms accompanied by some big ones as well.
10. I love getting to go but last night when we call crawled in to bed at 8 pm- all I could think about is how much more I love coming back.

Fashion f aux pa's....

So I have time in between my appointments and a person can only look at FB so much, that is why I have time to post!

So since being here I have had the opportunity to people watch a lot, which is actually one of my favorite activities. I have been witness to some serious fashion crisis's. Not just slight errors, I am talking did you not look in the mirror before you left your room???

Here they are, in no particular order:

1. The pencil skirt, not because I think that this fashion statement is not doable. But you need to be a really tiny person to pull this off. Why? because it is a tight fitting skirt that requires you to tuck in a really cute top into. If you have a front butt or a large rear end- example me, you do not wear such a thing. Would I like to wear one? Yes! Would I? Never!
2. The hip pack-will these not never die? The older I get I can see how they are very convenient but thank goodness I can also still see that they maybe convenient but there really is never a fashion forward way to pull them off. Majority are made out of black vinyl or maybe a nice polyester blend. I have even seen a pink bejeweled one. I am not going to lie, I often picture myself when I am 80 with flaming red hair, gold shoes, and a hip pack. But not until I am 80!  What else is going to hold my bingo dabber, red lipstick, and Jitterbug?
3. Ankle boots and short skirts again are made for a certain demographic. First things first you must have an ankle and preferably under the age 40. Any older and you kind of resemble a street walker. I think the trend is cute but not on everyone.
4. Patterned nylons, again a throw back to the 80's. So far I have seen snake-skin, polka dots, purple, turquoise, and yellow. I am beginning to miss the simple black. With nylons I guess you can categorize leggings-I have some but they have a time and place. I hate to quit picking on that woman that is still trying to hand on to being fashion forward and sexy but if you are over 45 I think you look kind of silly wearing Multiples in public. My mom would never buy me Multiples from Dayton's, I think these woman bought them all and wore them to this conference.
5. Handkerchiefs- there is a reason that Kleenex was invented. Please do not loudly blow your nose, spray your germs, and grab a dirty hanky. YUCK!
6. Just because you have an I-Pad does not make you understand technology any better than the rest of us, but please Santa I would love one for Christmas!?!
7. Bluetooth's...all I want to do when I see someone walking around and talking loudly into their Bluetooth is go up to them and rip out of their ear. I thought the purpose was to make you conspicuous, not walk circles in a room yelling-what? I can't hear you with this thing? What, what did you say? I'm a jackass...yes I did!

These are purely observations...just sayin'....

Pros and Cons

So yesterday was another adventure in New Orleans so I am going to break it down into pros and cons.

Pros:

• Warm Beignets from Cafe Du Monde, the best thing I have eaten in a very long time. You find this place at River Walk which looks out onto the Mighty Mississippi and you can watch huge shrimp boats coming in from the ocean while you are engorging on these delightful pastries. 3 for $2.14-worth every penny!
• The music, not many cities you can walk down the street and here a sonnet on a trombone, walk in to multiple bars with people playing from real pianos, or walk home from a night of fun and see 12 men on the corner of Bourbon street all on different horns-unbelievable! One in a wheelchair with no legs but looks like he won the lottery playing music with his buddies.
• The pride the locals have about living here. You can feel it everywhere. The city may not be perfect but in their eyes it is.

Cons:

• This city really smells nothing like I have ever experienced. I could never come here pregnant because I would need to walk around with a gas mask. I keep thinking that it is going to grow on me-it hasn't.
• To go along with the smell is that you people can still smoke EVERYWHERE here. Bars, bathrooms, in your face.
• The panhandlers are out of control-you can tell some are doing it of need which breaks my heart because I am not Oprah but you can also tell some have made it into a profitable business for themselves.

That's all for today!

New Orleans

I am in New Orleans for work, I have a little time between meetings so I thought I would stop in since it has been FOREVER since I posted.

So...New Orleans is completely different than I expected. For whatever reason my perception was that it was going to be this charming, historical city. Lots of energy and action. It definitely is charming and historical, lots of really cool buildings especially in the French Quarter but it also very dirty. Since it is so humid and damp here I don't think the buildings every get a chance to "dry out". Everything has a clamminess to it that is usually associated with a smell. The smell of a urinal is something you seem to get a whiff of often.

Lots of restaurants to choose from but your selection is shrimp, crab, or catfish. I love seafood so for me it completely works but cannot imagine being a person that does not like it coming her to visit...I guess there is alligator ribs. Last night we ate at a really cool restaurant on Bourbon Street.

I have been doing a lot of walking on my own meeting my clients at the Hilton and the convention center. We are staying at the Marriott which is about 5 city blocks away, a pretty nice walk actually. Most of the time I have felt safe but there are still a lot of people misplaced from Hurricane Katrina. Even though I appreciate the shout out now and then  I prefer it when I am walking among many others, not on a street with many boarded up windows and a gentleman drinking a 20 oz Miller High Life out of a red straw. This is a common them here.

Tonight we rented out the venue Howl At The Moon for some dueling pianos, good food, and drinks. We are introducing a new product to our clients so we want them to have a good time with its reveal. Should be a really good time but will not be walking home by myself tonight. Better be safe than sorry!

Ghosts all around me.

Fall is an interesting season. For me it brings layers of feelings. It is a very nostalgic season for me, for whatever reason I have many memories that are directly correlated with fall. More than any of the other 3 seasons, is that common? I love the smell of fall, I love the colors of fall-they tend to be the colors that I am the most attracted to, and I love how you can wear a dress with a cardigan, maybe a scarf, but can still wear open toe shoes if you want.

I love to start cooking home made meals come fall. This year I have already made chicken noodle soup from scratch and I just bought all the fixings for chili at the grocery store for this weeks menu. When I was unpacking my groceries I saw a theme of comfort fall foods-meatballs, caramel apples, and lots of soup.

Fall also makes me feel a feeling of emptiness. It tends to be the season that I am more sensitive to the losses in my life. I swear I can feel those that have left my life dance around me whether in the house or outside with the boys playing. It as if they are right there with me. Some days it is comforting to me and some days quite frankly it spooks me. Because it is not just the people that I feel but past memories that replay in my head that come out of no where that I don't always want to revisit.

Memories of football games, my first kiss, and my first heart break. Memories of having to start school again at a new school, its as if I can still feel the nerves that go along with having to walk into another new school and make friends with another group of people. The feeling of the unknown shows its weary head to me every fall and I can feel myself wanting to change something not for any good reason than that is how I have been programmed since I was a child.

I just had a light bulb moment and connected why I have those feelings-CRAZY! Because fall was a season that did land so much change in my life growing up. You just witnessed some serious blog therapy...wow!

To be continued...

More pictures and few updates on A&A

Anthony lost his second bottom tooth at school and proceeded to lose his top tooth the next day chomping on some taffy. He seriously looks like a jack-o-lantern or from Kentucky. One of the two for sure!

Check out Alex mowing with his dad. He LOVES to mow the grass and will walk completely in sync with Erik. It is so cute! I hope this love remains when he is a teenager...

Anthony playing his last soccer game of the season. It was October 10th and 80 degrees!

 I love watching him play sports. I am not the mom who sits back quietly...I am that mom, the one saying "hustle, defense, let's go guys!"

I LOVE Fall!

Alex isn't sure if he does...

These three definitely do!

Erik and Alex

Ava, Anthony, and Alli

I love these two having their own conversation.

Reminded me of the movie Twilight.

On the bridge at Pelican Rapids.

Can you tell? I really love fall. The colors, the smells, the memories. I love it all!

This past weekend we were busy with Kris's benefit on Friday-went really well. So good to see all of you and catch up. Wished it could have lasted the weekend!

Saturday we got up early and picked up the boys from my in-law's. We decided to go to Maplewood State Park by Pelican Rapids and go hiking. Check out the leaves and enjoy the colors. I am so glad we did because it was gorgeous! The sights were really pretty but the weather was simply AMAZING. It was so nice out. We had four kids under the age of 6 on a 2 mile hike with no whining. That was how nice it was!

Check it out for yourself...

I have the BEST pictures of these two since birth.

Alex did so well, at one point he sat down in the middle of a field and said "All done." My camera was done at that point but Brian has it on his-post worthy for sure!

Pelican Rapids

Maplewood

We will be visiting Maplewood again with the kids. There were no rides or cotton candy and they still woke up wanting to go back again on Sunday. Sometimes we forget to keep it simple.

3 wishes today...

1. Freedom

2. Money

3. Happiness

Not necessarily in that order, that is just how they came to me. I wish this for my friend Kris whose benefit is tomorrow. Unless you have been living under a rock I am sure you have heard of it. She is very blessed to have so many people take action in making this event happen. Of course we feel blessed to be part of her second chance. Cuz, you know most of the time we love her and cannot get enough of her. Tomorrow night will definitely be one of those nights so I hope she is prepared for all the hugs, tears, and enormous love coming her way. If you have been living under a rock click on "Kris's Benefit" up above and find out where the best party of Fargo-Moorhead is going to be tomorrow night. Come celebrate with us! I promise you will have a blast, if not hit me up for a drink and we can chat.

I'm a big kid now!

Am I the only one in the process of transitioning my toddler to a big boys room? Big crocodile tears! These feelings are the ones that make you go and do something crazy. I still think it is amazing how we as parents wish them to become independent and in an instant beg the universe to keep them little people.

Regardless, Alex's room is getting an over haul as well. We have him in a big boy bed now but I am rethinking what I want for a headboard. I have been to countless furniture stores, websites, and garage sales. Then it occurred to me that I should check out what CSN stores has, why I did not think of this earlier I am not sure. Maybe pregnancy brain? Ha! Just kidding! 

But do check out what I found at their site. I am leaning towards a bookcase headboard because that frees up some space in Alex's room which is smaller plus gives me additional room for books, water cups, balls, tractors, etc. You get my drift? Besides once I comb through their huge selection I can get it shipped to me for free so there is no hassle of trying to get Erik to go pick it up or me trying to fit it in my crazy schedule.

So I am in the process of checking out more about CSN Stores,  I will be sure to let you know if they are too good to be true, but I can promise you if they are not I will be adding a big boy bookcase headboard to Alex's room very soon. To be continued...

Oh by the way-Anthony lost ANOTHER tooth last night, I am pretty sure he is going to be a jack-o'-lantern for Halloween because he seriously looks like one. Missing front tooth on top and a missing front tooth on the bottom on the opposite side. I am praying to the orthodontist spirits that they all come in straight. My parents had me at the orthodontist in second grade because I had super buck teeth. I wore a head gear to bed all of third grade. Now doesn't that tell a lot?!

5 Staples

So the cupboards are looking barren, the fridge is nearly empty, but you always have these 5 things-consider them the staples you always by at the grocery store. What are they?

I am sick of buying and making the same things. My staples are eggs, baby carrots, yogurt, peanut butter, and bread. No matter what you will find these in our cupboard or fridge.

Tonight I making beef stroganoff...any ideas to share for tomorrow?

The wheels on the bus go round and round!

So like I mentioned yesterday 1st grade hit me harder then expected. Regardless I muddled through the day and around 3 o'clock starting thinking about my big 1st grader getting on the bus to go home. The plan was for him to go to my daycare providers and get dropped off. Works pretty slick because she lives just a couple of blocks from us and will be waiting for both Anthony and her grandson to get dropped off by the bus. About 3:32 phone rings, I see it is "Grandma Lynn", and I know something has not gone smoothly.

 I answer and she is talking really fast and breathless that Anthony did not get off the bus. Clayton said that Anthony stayed on when they came to her stop. It must have been mother's instinct but I knew he was fine. Anthony is pretty independent. Lynn told me she was going to call the bus company. We hung up. I called her two minutes later to say I was going to go to our house. My drive home I was a little anxious because I didn't want his first day of 1st grade to be traumatic.

I pull up. No Anthony on the step. I open the garage door and run into the house. By this time my heart is racing. "Anthony, Anthony, are you here?" No response. But there's Betty who should be in her kennel staring at me at the top of the stairs. 

"Hi Mom, I'm up here watching I-Carly and eating goldfish." My little stud goes through to tell me that he knew our garage code and let himself in. He knew after the bus left Lynn's he needed to get off at our house. He wasn't sure if he should walk there or go in. He thought it was safer to go in.

I was SO PROUD! He did exactly what he should have done from my perspective and I was really proud he went with his instinct. The situation could have gone many other ways.

Go Anthony! He did ask if he could come home everyday after school and I made it clear that even though today was an accident from now on we have to follow the plan. But I feel better that if he is in a position like that again he will be able to handle it without panic and think it through. Now my daycare provider on the other hand-she was in tough shape. Told her things happen, especially with 60 kids on a bus. Pretty sure she took a hot bath last night...

Lake buddies!

Since I am too depressed to post first day of school pictures, I am going to post end of summer pictures when Anthony was not quite an official first grader yet (I had no idea 1st grade was going to be so tough on me).

This is our other family from Tony's Campground at Lake Ida whom we have too much fun with!

Sammy

Landon and Baxter

Conner and Alex

Bailey Girl

Sam and Dylan

Bree

Kuntz Boys Carson and Conner

Gina...always on a mission!

Ry Guy

Anthony loves a crowd!

Bailey Boy, Dylan, and Anthony

Nothing like an"old school" swing-set

Never too old to hold them?