Fall is an interesting season. For me it brings layers of feelings. It is a very nostalgic season for me, for whatever reason I have many memories that are directly correlated with fall. More than any of the other 3 seasons, is that common? I love the smell of fall, I love the colors of fall-they tend to be the colors that I am the most attracted to, and I love how you can wear a dress with a cardigan, maybe a scarf, but can still wear open toe shoes if you want.
I love to start cooking home made meals come fall. This year I have already made chicken noodle soup from scratch and I just bought all the fixings for chili at the grocery store for this weeks menu. When I was unpacking my groceries I saw a theme of comfort fall foods-meatballs, caramel apples, and lots of soup.
Fall also makes me feel a feeling of emptiness. It tends to be the season that I am more sensitive to the losses in my life. I swear I can feel those that have left my life dance around me whether in the house or outside with the boys playing. It as if they are right there with me. Some days it is comforting to me and some days quite frankly it spooks me. Because it is not just the people that I feel but past memories that replay in my head that come out of no where that I don't always want to revisit.
Memories of football games, my first kiss, and my first heart break. Memories of having to start school again at a new school, its as if I can still feel the nerves that go along with having to walk into another new school and make friends with another group of people. The feeling of the unknown shows its weary head to me every fall and I can feel myself wanting to change something not for any good reason than that is how I have been programmed since I was a child.
I just had a light bulb moment and connected why I have those feelings-CRAZY! Because fall was a season that did land so much change in my life growing up. You just witnessed some serious blog therapy...wow!
To be continued...
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