I called my dad twice on Tuesday and he was very quiet, very disconnected. Very far away. I called him four times yesterday and was unable to reach him but spoke to my mother. She told me he is very emotional and very sad. He has been crying randomly (this does not happen) and keeps repeating that they really all thought they were going to die on that boat. He was trapped underneath in a tarp under the water and he sincerely thought he was not going to make it. The terror he saw in Gary's eyes was something he would never forget, I think it is haunting him. My Uncle Fred called my dad yesterday. He was on the boat, a marine, a man with a tough exterior. He left a voice-mail for my dad and at the end said "love you guys".
I have incidents in my life where I felt I was close to death but I cannot say that I have looked it in the eye and begged to not go yet. This is what I think happened to these men on this boat. Now my dad is sad and I don't know how to fix it. It is killing me. My heart hurts for him, I want to hold him and tell him that everything is okay, that they made it, and I love him. But since we have been somewhat conditioned to not operate that way it is hard for me. It's easier to make a joke or simply ask if he is okay. My dad is sad and I feel helpless.
When my Grandma June passed I thought about what I wanted to say to her my entire life, I pictured myself next to her in a bed, and me sitting next to her telling her everything I thought of her. How I was so proud of her, she was my best friend, and the love I felt for her was one of the strongest I had ever felt. I think I manifested the situation to happen. Because even though she had 12 children w/ spouses and countless grandchildren her and I ended up alone together the night before she died. I told her EVERYTHING I had ever wanted to say to her. She was still coherent and able to respond. The affirmation I felt after having that night with her is something I will never be able to explain. It was simply beautiful.
I think these are things I should be saying to my dad. He should hear these things while he is a strong, living breathing miracle. He needs to hear these things now. My dad is sad and I need to help. My heart feels his hurt and my tears are proving mine. I love him so much. I am so proud of him. I want him to be okay.
5 comments:
Awww, that is sad. He will get past this, it just might take awhile. Poor guy.
Melissa I am so sorry you are dealing with this....it sounds like he may have PTSD even though I am obviously not an expert.
Maybe he should see someone to begin to process his range of emotions.
Sorry to hear about your father going through something like this; the image could be haunting, to watch a loved one slipping away and struggling. Even for a strong man like your father, it could be unsettling. For us who haven't been through something like this, indeed we could be at a lost and helpless and don't know how we may reach out to someone going through such a torment. What may help would be to be together with your father to do something relaxing and then to slowly share his experience or to talk about it. Asking your father to get professional help may be better for him but considering the culture of how your family handles 'fall,' it may be a challenge to ask him to seek professional help.
In anyway, I sincerely hope he would be able to get himself up soon. With your support, concern and love, I believe he'll feel better soon.
Hey Melissa - you need to tell him now, before it's too late. Write it down in a letter, and mail it to him...but get it out.
I grew up much much much like you - we didn't show a lot of emotion.
Well, two weeks ago my mom had a heart attack-while recovering in ICU-it's been discovered that she has cancer invading her body in more than one location.
I am heartbroken. She is heartbroken. We can't fix it.
The only thing I can do is cherish the time we have left together & make the best of things. And to let her know just how very very much she is loved.
Life can change in the blink of an eye - it's important you make sure you don't have any regrets.
xoxo
Darcie-
I am so sorry about your mother, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Love you girl!
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