Numb, Raw Emotion

Anger, Frustration, Sadness, Thankful, Empty, Missing her so much already it makes my heart hurt. Ruby came home last night from the vet but she had a really bad night. She was drooling and sick as soon as we brought her home. I know she came home to say goodbye to us, I know she came home to say goodbye to me. Because she was my dog, she was born to be my dog, and she will always be my dog.

The day that we went to pick out a dog Ruby was one of the choices. There was this chihuahua there that Erik and I felt terrible for because he had been there 6 months and clearly had issues. So we pick him out, get him to the register, and get into the car and go home. We start driving, get home, and I look at Erik. I told him that we forgot my dog at the store. We got in the car, got to the pet store, and I know she was just waiting for us to come get her. For those of you that have dogs you understand when I say that your dog was born for you. Ruby had always been my girl. She follows me from room to room. As I am typing I literally just looked for her by my feet. I always joked with Erik that I wanted to clone her. She is the best dog. She has never messed in our house until she was sick the last couple of weeks, she has never nipped or challenged one of my children even though her heart was broke when we brought them home from the hospital. She cuddled, she loved, and the girl has a personality that I adore.

I brought her in right away this morning because even though she had not eaten or drank anything her stomach was bloated rock hard. The vet said that her intestine had twisted due to the pancreatitis. All the fluid was coming back up because the intestine was twisted. To fix it required surgery but with all of her other conditions the most humane thing to do was to let her go. So I did.